Plans and dreams

Jogging along the coast, southern Sweden
This idea of mine about sailing on and continuing the lifestyle I had before my husband died has almost become an obsession. The plans I've started making for the future are fortunately preventing me from dwelling too much on the recent past. Instead of sitting staring into space or watching a ridiculous film on TV, as I have far too often, I go for a long walk. The walk gets longer and faster each day as I am more and more conscious of the fact that I have to get my strength back both mentally and physically if I am going to be fit enough to sail alone. Instead of searching the net for information about sickness and death,  I have started searching for information about apps for navigation, solar lamps,  maintenance manuals, antenna boosters and so on. 
I don't think I will ever be able to "get over" the loss of my husband but I do think it's possible to learn to live with the fact that he's gone and never coming back. I have got to the point where I can allow myself to look forward and hope that the dreams I have now will slowly but surely replace the long nightmare I have been living in until recently.

You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel if you keep looking back.


  1. Har precis börjat läsa din blogg och den är en av de mest intressanta jag träffat på på länge. Tror du har helt rätt i det du säger om att lära sig leva med att ha förlorat en nära. Min mamma sa exakt samma sak efter att ha förlorat min storebror när han var 14. En väninna sa till henne att hon skulle komma över det. Min mamma svarade att hon aldrig kommer att komma över det - men att hon kommer att lära sig att leva med det. Och det är precis vad man gör. Lev väl! /Ralph

  2. Jest Pani silną kobietą!
    Udało się Pani to, co innych na samą myśl przeraża: samotność, czy sobie poradzę?, co, jeśli...
    Powodzenia w żegludze i dużo ciepłego światła do malowania.
    Życzliwa Beata z Polski

  3. Touched by your story, love your art, you are an inspiration, love to have a boat ride with you someday :)

  4. I love that you focused on getting strong and the "how to's" instead of all the dangers of solo sailing. I've read your journey backwards, and it's just as enjoyable maybe more, had I read it from the start.